The Awkward Gardener

Welcome to my blog. I’ve never done a formal blog before, but I’ve dabbled in writing on some social sites and found some of my stuff well received, so I decided to branch out. I hope you will find this entertaining at the very least, informative in my wildest dreams. As you read on, you will start to understand the name of my blog, so I won’t spoil the surprise.

A little about me: I’m a thirty-something divorced mom. I’ve got two of the greatest kids on the planet who share their time between me (in Kentucky), and their dad (in Florida). The weird part about that is that I’m from Florida and he’s from Kentucky. Long story. Different blog. Someday. But I digress. I’ve had many jobs from secretary right out of high school, to most recently, EMT. The latter career was cut short by an unfortunate job-related injury. I fell off a seat in a moving ambulance, because I’m graceful like that, broke my shoulder blade (an impossible break, so the docs have told me) and was put kicking and screaming on the permanent DL of EMS. I found myself jobless, living in a teeny-tiny town in Kentucky right on the border of the Ohio River called Maysville, original hometown to the Clooney clan. As in George. Another long story, but the short of it is I moved here with my fiancé, or Fearless Leader as I will refer to him. I decided to go back to school and reinvent myself all over again. Third time is a charm, so I hear. I am currently chugging through my second semester on my way to ultimately a B.A. in English with an emphasis in writing.

Soooo, seeing that I don't have enough to do what with college and all, I have decided I needed a project. This project has slowly taken seed and bloomed in my brain (if you'll pardon the pun) until I had a voilá moment. I want to create a container garden. Now while that might seem a tad mundane, let me explain where the element of excitement and danger comes in: I can kill a fake plant.

Now that doesn't keep me from planting stuff. Nosiree-bob, every year I trek off to the garden center of my closest colossal-mart for a wide assortment of soon-to-be-dead plants. I obstinately ignore the foliage trembling as I pass. Like an emperor determining a gladiator’s fate, I slowly give my victims the proverbial thumbs down by placing them in my shopping cart of death. I've always been particularly fond of bulbs. Their magnificent rate of growth is exponential to the disappointment I feel when they don't flower. But I'm usually left with an impressive array of green stalks in various planters to show off....

Anyhoo, this year I was bitten a little harder by the gardening bug than usual. I decided to branch out from dead flowers to wilting vegetables. However, I'm determined to make this year different. By that I mean something will actually survive. If I can successfully grow a single, red, reasonably round-ish tomato, I will be beside myself.

Well, that brings me to my project. Being an apartment dweller (well, townhouse dweller) I have no land to speak of, so any gardening I do is limited to what containers I can squeeze onto my tiny porch, which brings its unique set of challenges. I've actually been doing some research, and more importantly, considering actually following the advice I’m finding. I'm feeling kinda good about this. So good, in fact, that I thought it would be cool to keep a blog diary about my progress.

Please don’t be mistaken. This will not be a Martha-esque litany of tips and tricks so amazing that you will feel ashamed you never thought of them before. This will be the trials and tribulations of me and my Black Thumb of Death. I've seen a lot of good sites and blogs, some that were way too advanced, some that were just plain awful. I want to write something from the perspective of a newbie, from all the mistakes and failures to the successes and breakthroughs. I want to gain a following of readers that will not just laugh at me (which trust me, you will) but to also teach me.

So here goes. Feel free to plod along with me. Invite your friends, acquaintances, enemies, dentist, and mother-in-law. Offer your two cents, or however much you can spare.

Happy planting!

The Awkward Gardener